right now J is at a basketball game with another woman.
oh stop, ive only been broken up with my ex fiancee for 6 months...it can still burn that he is at "our" blazers game with another lady.
but i think one of the other things that stings...is that he can afford to do those things, and i cant let him know how much i struggle.
the last time i went to a blazer game i had saved all my spare monies, money that likely should have gone to other things, and bought us tickets to a game for J's birthday.
i didnt use that money to go to the movies with the guy im seeing.
i didnt use the money to go out to dinner with friends.
i did it for us as a family, and i kinda feel stupid for doing that, vulnerable, and dumb.
fuck.
i just want to have the money J has. :(
he is living my life, the life i used to have, and i have dropped 6.50 an hour in salary.
oy.vey.
i know its gonna get better. just gotta keeping right?
just keep swimming, just keep swimming....
goodness im such a mother : ]
No comments:
Post a Comment