struggling.

been having a rough time.

things are getting real.

and kind of difficult.

i want to go back to school....finish up my Spanish classes and start Phlebotomy Certification.

i want to do something better than this mediocre crap.

i thought single moms got the goods for school help?

yes and no.

when i went this summer i had one option...

The Pell Grant ( a lifesaver, dont get me wrong) only if i went to school full time, which would mean i would also need to work, full time.

which meant my time with j would be kaput. :(

i was depressed yesterday; got a shut off notice for the pge, was thankful that j was with his daddy because lets face it, im running short on some things, and i just feel in a rut.

my paychecks are enough for the bills, but at this rate, unless i make some great numbers we will only ever be paying the bills and never getting ahead, and id never get back in school.

ive gotta pay for it all out of pocket if i only do part time, so i need to bust it out.

luckily, my work is a bit slammed, so im pulling 12 hour days this week :) im Bound and Determined to get back the financial stability i had when i was with Big J, so that little j can have all the time what we gave him then.

i miss Big J. wont lie.

spending a few days when little was sick with him made me think...

but i think we'll manage pretty well.

we're doing pretty good, even if it means i just have to keep my mouth shut about my feelings and just be parents.

just venting, and godness sakes i like a blinking cursor inviting my bitchiness.

i feel loads better. day off tomorrow and a LONG day monday, but then some real time with Little. : )